Currently Browsing: Ambergris Caye Stories

UDP Council Announces New Rules for the Bridge

It has become evident to all that the bridge is taking more traffic and  more weight than it was designed to, and therefore the Town Council have decided that they are going to restrict vehicle movements.

In future if you own a red vehicle you can traverse  the bridge at any time. However if you have a blue car you can only use the bridge on the odd weekdays. All other colours are only allowed to use the bridge between 10–12 am and 5-7pm.

The town council assure us that with this mandate the bridge will last far more than the 10 years than it was originally designed for.

Jambo and Charlie’s Pizza Report

The bosses are away and we are both in the sports bar and telling everyone how svelte-looking we are. Most people seem to agree with us as we are dining on Walter’s fabulous pizza.

Please come down to Pedro’s Pizza when Laurie and Peter are away and feed us as we are both very good looking and deserve to be fed as much pizza as possible, but please do not tell either of them that you have done this as both of us are apparently on diets!

Marooned in Livingston, Guatemala

We got picked up by our friends who were in a very small boat which took us to the very big boat where we were going to stay for a couple of days. While we lifted up the anchor, everyone on the quay and the riverbank were waving to us and we were waving back saying bye bye. As we ventured out of the harbor Lorie looked behind and saw that our little boat was full of water and sinking being dragged sideways by the big boat. Peter promptly blamed everybody exempt himself for not hauling the boat up on its davits.

Anyway he opened a couple of beers and Pedro didn’t give a shit. Fortunately two very nice Guatemalans who had provided us cases of beer help us through this marooning in Livingston.

Immigration in Guatamala

We left Punta Gorda and Immigration didn’t give a damn whether we were tourists or residents. We took the ferry and arrived in Livingston Guatemala 45 minutes later. There was no customs or Immigration on the quay and we had to walk up the hill to the Immigration office. We went into the office and were greeted by a very nice lady who welcomed us to her country and handed us two immigration forms which were very simple to fill in. She took our passports stamped them for 90 days and wished us a very happy vacation.

Does anybody see the difference between this and arriving in Belize?

The Ambergris Daily suggests that the Immigration and the Customs department of Belize either come to Livingston or go on a course which shows them how to be pleasant and welcoming to the people that pay their wages.

Jambo and Charlie’s Weather Report March 29

Well the bosses appear to be going somewhere as we were woken up at 6.00am. We both went outside for No. 1s and the weather was and is not good. It is very overcast, clammy and humid. We both think it is going to rain later which will freshen up everything and bring down the humidity.

Letter to Editor on Ponzi Scheme from a Local Realtor

Dear Editor,

It would have been nice if developers on Ambergris Caye whose schemes are collapsing before our eyes had at least paid for their land outright before pushing their product upon unsuspecting buyers. Your “Ponzi Scheme” article was smack on except for the start….some failed developers on our island actually got OWNER FINANCING for the land they intended to develop. In other words their project was doomed to failure before the first block was laid….every deposit they received on sold condos or villas went to make payments on the land. A sure fire formula for failure.

I know of one developer, a fellow the Ambergris Daily also knows very well and who is currently staying in a well built structure in the USA, who specialized in purchasing land by owner financing. He got the owners of each piece he “bought” to sign papers stating that he, the said developer, owned the land outright. He would show this “proof of ownership” to unsuspecting buyers. And, naturally, he got himself into a heap of trouble because his construction was always two steps behind his sales with no hope of playing catch up.

Here’s what I suggest should be the MINIMUM standard for all new developers and developments planning to “Build Your Dream Home in Paradise.”

1. They should own 100% ALL of the land they plan to develop before even submitting building plans.
2. They should offer STRATA TITLE, free and clear, for each and every unit they sell. No more “Share Certificate” ownership for new developments. It is no longer necessary.
3. They should have to submit their development plans, sales plan, cost estimates as well as predicted sales prices, and proof of ownership of the property they wish to develop to a Board consisting of respected real estate brokers, existing and proven developers as well as members of the Planning Committee and the Town Council.
4. They should be prepared to PROVE that they can fund and build 15% of the units they plan to sell without having to pre-sell a single unit.
5. They should be prepared to be told “Sorry, your plan has a high risk of failure and is not feasible, permission NOT granted” if the Board deemed failure to be a probability or even a reasonably strong possibility. The board would have to vote 75% in favour of a development before it could commence and dissenting board members would be allowed to submit their concerns to the minutes of the meeting for future reference.

I do understand that there is zero chance of this happening because it makes sense. Oh well.

I hope you don’t mind that this letter is a bit long, don’t worry, most of your readers won’t be able to figure out what it says as it contains many correctly spelt words.

Outrage at the Firing of Uncle Tim

I am sorry to see that Ambergris Daily will be firing all of their staff. I know that you believe in consistency so if you’re going to fire Junior Cub Reporter Uncle Tim for inaccurate reporting I guess that means the rest of you are out of the door too. Please re-consider as I enjoy reading your occasionally-not-very-boring and sporadically accurate on-line rag.

Junior Cub Reporter Fired from Ambergris Daily

Our junior cub reporter, Uncle Tim, has been summoned to the head office of the Ambergris Daily and summarily fired. (more…)

Smile -Dentists come to San Pedro – Why?

The Ambergris Daily met a number of these dentists and they said we come to San Pedro because we are needed, and we help the citizens and residents to have dental care they cannot normally afford. (more…)

Kids donate to San Pedro Animal Foundation

While parents chit-chatted at Roadkill’s rum party last night, early elementary school artists Naomi King, Bella Santos and and Gabbi Knox set up a table on stage and painted water colors, which they decided to sell to patrons for $1.00 Bzd each.

14 sales later, instead of splitting the proceeds among themselves, they donated it all to San Pedro Animal Foundation saying sick animals needed it more than they did. Are there great kids among us, or what!

« Previous Entries Next Entries »